I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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