she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
