sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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