i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
