I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
