Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
