Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
