I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
