I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
