Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
