he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
