$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
