I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
