Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
