He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
