I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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