i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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