This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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