my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
