as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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