Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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