omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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