he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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