So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
