I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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