'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
