At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
