I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
