Are we in a gay sports bar?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My penis needs a shock collar
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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