I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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