You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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