How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize