you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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