nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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