i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
