I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
