You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
