I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
