you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
