you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize