yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
