New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
