If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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