I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
