there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
