I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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