I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
