My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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