Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
