This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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