Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
