last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize