What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
