If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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