haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
