I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
