And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We are two peas in an std pod
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
