I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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