I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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