Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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