yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
dude. I can hear the air.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
