just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
no, he came in my armpit
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
