This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
