So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
