none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
