Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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