Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
