Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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