You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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