break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
