turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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