so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
