Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No subtext here. People are naked.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
