I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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