this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
