u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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