The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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