I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize