It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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