shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
