Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
