Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
honey bunches of taint.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
