is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize