Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
