There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
3pm strippers are depressing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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