U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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