omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't deserve a penis
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
