why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
