when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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