last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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