you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
