just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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