I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
