don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she told me i tasted like america
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
