so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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