I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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