6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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