So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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