she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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