When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
