Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just want to make out with him forever
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
